Since I am still in the progress of playing around with themes and stuff, I guess I will add and configure widgets when I have settled on one! So here’s a post in place of my day 6 (yes, I am aware that we’re on day 7!) task of blogging101…
It’s been a month since I turned 22 and I have never felt more lost, confused, afraid… and unsure of myself. I don’t know how to move forward…. I have been saying ‘I don’t know’ too much lately. I even feel like I don’t know myself anymore… who am I? And I am the kind of person who hates the unknown, I don’t need to have a five year plan or such… but I need to at least know which direction and what I’m working towards! A draft plan if you must, with contingencies. I need certainty. I need to be sure of myself. Looking back at the ‘About Me’ page I written 7 years ago, I used to have all of that self-assurance 3 years ago… I used to be happy.
I have one year to figure out my next step after I graduate. Is that enough time?
Will there be missed opportunities because I took this time off?
Did I mention how much I hate Facebook when going through a blinded phase like this? I wish I could blind myself towards Facebook, unfortunately, I need Facebook for certain updates on work and uni (societies etc.). I’m sure some of you will agree with me that Facebook is basically Photoshop for your… life. Either that or 80% of the people on my Facebook seems to be on their destined paths, achieving, pursuing their life fulfilling dreams… being awesome and HAPPY. I have never been more envious of people who have a sense of purpose, knowing what they want in life. Makes me feel like a non-achieving pathetic loser who is failing miserably at life…
I know, I shouldn’t be comparing my own life to other people, I’m still young (everyone says), I should live in the present and take it as it comes… I’ve heard it all and I’m aware of all of that on my own but like Stacie Orrico, I can’t seem to let it go. Can’t let go feeling like I’m missing something, I’m lacking… that I’m not living to my fullest potential. I just need to do something that matters to me, whether or not I receive achievements and accolades won’t matter… And not knowing what matters to me is worrying and terrifying.
What woes do you have?
OH! I’ve thought of another title for this serial postings… “Me Finding I”, cause part of my real name is ‘Mei’. Get it? I’m finding myself to be whole again. What do you think? As the previous polling results were all for “Finding Mei” (only 4 people tho, come on! I can do better! Lol).
Endless as my questions are, endless as our pursuit of meaning of life… all I want is to be happy.
Can’t seem to let it go,