“What is the best dream you’ve ever had? Recount it for us in all its ethereal glory. If no dream stands out in your memory, recount your worst nightmare. Leave no frightening detail out.” – The Daily Post’s Daily Prompt, 27 July 2015
In fulfilling blogging101’s day 11 task (YES, I am well aware it’s come and gone), I’ll be taking on yesterday’s daily prompt! I really can’t recall most of my dreams let alone previous dreams… so allow me to share my most recent dream then.
To give my dream a bit of a background to make better sense of it…
I’ve recently stumbled into the single hole again – the hole where I moan about why am I still single, reminisce about past (almost) loves and ponder about “what ifs”. SO YES, not only was I _ on about “what if he was my one and I let it slip because I was a coward.”, I was guilty for watching the Twilight Saga and having a yearning for Bella’s love life. No offense against Robert Pattinson, but as Edward Cullen, he really isn’t my kind of guy – he was not attractive to me, he is frankly really possessive… but boy oh boy, this time round, my heart melts for him. Perhaps it was the romantic and sensitive in him, how he couldn’t live in a world without Bella, how he was so tender and old-fashioned in the sense that he wanted to be married to Bella… MAN. I kept thinking – what is wrong with me. Or perhaps this movie meant much more to me… of who it is linked to, who I watched it with before, who it reminded me of…
News Fresh out the Closet
It began with me looking at my cousin’s blog. He has a blog which he has actually abandoned, but several of his friends occasionally still updates it for fun. There was a post, a post that caused my heart to drop… my very best guy friend (let’s call him Jake) from home was the topic of this post. It basically mentions that he came out of the closet, and one of his college mates (that was notoriously clingy to him) is his partner. Let’s call this partner Mark.
Next, I found myself back home in Malaysia and in the City where he is. We were set to meet but he then remembered that he had a dance practice with his college/work mates – it was for a performance for his university/work (promotion). He asked if I would mind spending some time there, that it could be fun – dance was a common interest of ours, and we had sweet memories with dance… and I was genuinely curious, wanted to meet his new circle of friends, so I said yes.
There he was, strutting and shaking his stuff in all his glory, and it all seems to made sense to me with his new found sexuality. He also asked me for any suggestions or comments, which I happily gave – of course, I was a bit apprehensive at first as this was my first time meeting his friends. While I was giving my input, he seem to be pretty handsy with me, all up in my personal space, close proximity enough for me to feel his breathe and touch… which I didn’t mind (not that I ever did) especially with his new claim on attraction only to his similar sex. Oh, did I mention that his partner was there too?
The dance practice was over, and as promised, I got to spend quality one on one bonding time with him. He took me to a park which mirrored being in the thick woods (which is unheard of in the concrete jungle of the city). He was being unprecedentedly masculine, carrying logs of wood and starting a bonfire right before me. We started with light chatter, catching up and joking about… moving on to deeper conversation of personal nature. Out of nowhere, he confesses his romantic feelings for me on a very casual note. I was clearly dumbfounded, isn’t he suppose to be gay now? His voice then broke into a deeper and serious tone, saying to me that he is not actually gay – it is all just an act.
I get that people hide in closets but who would do the opposite, claim to be homosexual when they are not? Perhaps he is bisexual. Apparently, he seem to have taken my past comment to heart (may it be because of my comment or the truth to it) – to act up the gay to get more noticed in the entertainment front, whether it was for singing or acting. *I can’t exactly remember how much he went into detail for this.
A girlish shriek rang sharply in the darkness and thick walls of trees that surrounded us. His supposed partner – Mark, stepped out of the trees, raging in tears with betrayal in his eyes, and trembling hands weakened from his broken heart. Before me or Jake could react, he grabbed my bag and ran off. Me and Jake went after him, and came to a stop when we spotted him emptying the contents of my bag into a river. I was bewildered and didn’t quite have time to process everything that was happening too fast as he continued to hurl my bag in as well. As all this was unfolding, and me not having time to even process my own feelings, Jake’s breathing grew heavier at each puff. I turned and saw that his expression was unfamiliarly sullen, unlike any facial expression I’ve seen from him before. He growled and went to pick up and pin Mark against a tree. Jake looked like he was ready to rip Mark apart with his bare teeth… and then I woke up. It all felt like an actual memory for a second. The next second of realization, I tried to recall my thought process and feelings through it all… but I was even more confused than ever.
The Mash Up
So how was this dream a mash-up? It was a mash up of related incidents and recent events… allow me to break it down:
If you’re a recent regular, you’d be aware how I’ve been blogging more actively. Besides this, my soulmate (cousin) who used to have a blog that he actually abandoned a few years back has started vlogging.
2. Dance Practice
In my last trip back home during Christmas break, a similar incident actually occurred – I was hanging out with my cousin and went along to his sing/dance practice.
3. The Partner
The part about him having a guy friend who was particularly clingy is true. We had speculations that he did have actual romantic feelings towards Jake.
From my recent re-watching of Twilight, the part of my dream where Jake confesses to me in the woods/forest setting is all too familiar, yes? Remember a scene (even in the trailer) of the first Twilight movie – where Robert prompts Bella to share her realization of the truth he is hiding from everyone, that he is a vampire. Confessions in the Forest… identical?
5. Wolf Calling
The end where Jake was sullen and was ready to rip Mark apart with his bare teeth… well he appeared very animalistic, almost like a wolf. YES, the Jacob reference. (There is actually a double reference which I won’t go into… a personal one)
So, any psychologists, dream interpreter/aficionado or anyone really, would like to tell me what this dream means? Is it just my imagination running wild or is it actually my sub-conscious trying to tell me something? Yes, it has been driving me crazy for a week or two whether it actually means… as I said, I have been pondering along about past ”What ifs” and on my (seemingly) forever single fate.
Anyhow, I hope this little dream of mine managed to entertain you otherwise. Feel free to leave any comments and share your thoughts on my “story-telling”!