Me Finding I: The Familiarity Paradox

4 months ago (October 2015), I returned to my University from a one year placement in Cambridge to finish my degree. There was this distant yet familiar feeling being back… There was a sense of familiarity, yet I also felt like an outsider from the many new faces in lectures. I did picture how my return would be like – I would be wiser and superior to those who did not do a placement on my course, but it really didn’t feel that way. It felt like I had to find my footing and reintegrate in this foreign territory. I felt clueless on this campus due to some new additions… I felt like the transfer student I was 2 years ago, new but not exactly – having to do much more than a freshman to fit in. Why do we feel obligated to fit in? Can’t we simply exist and be present?

As the friends I was close with have graduated, I was in a familiar ground surrounded by unfamiliar faces for the first few weeks. The craziest of it all? The place I felt most at home with was at my part-time job. It was like picking up an instrument after too long and being able to play it without a hiccup. Funny, there was only one person that was looking forward to my return – my employer. She texted me and Facebooked me a month before Uni started! The most unlikely of friendships… I really seem to be hitting it off better with wiser people lately… I really am an old soul aren’t I. This all really made me reflect on how much I manage to isolate myself when I was at Uni last, that my presence was like air to my peers. In comparison to my colourful college life, you’d think I was bipolar. Boy, have I really changed a lot.

Why do we feel obligated to fit in? Can’t we simply exist and be present?

Time goes on, lives go on; as people change, so does a place – nothing is constant, and that is one of the joys of life and this world. I guess this is a normal feeling and transition in life when you return to a place you thought you knew. I didn’t exactly fit here 2 years ago, I don’t have to now either – as long as I am happy and content with my decision and life.

I told myself and my friend this in my last days at placement – I don’t care if I have a social life or not in my final year. I just want to focus on myself and my studies. I don’t think I have really done any of that matter of fact… 4 months down, 5 more to go, make it count S!

“You wonder if your chance will ever come, Or if you’re stuck in square one.”

Make it count,
Sum.

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