So, it’s been about two months since I’ve returned home from UK not on the happiest note (if you’ve read my last post), and it hasn’t been all breezy…
Being home, in my hometown, I haven’t necessarily felt at home, but the nostalgia has been strong. I didn’t necessarily felt at home because I felt like a parasite at first. Parasite that has to yet again depend on her parents… and I don’t feel good about it. Not just that I have to answer to them with every purchase, decision or appointment I have… also because the idea of me not being able to support myself post-graduation due to unemployment (the real world is just harsh).
As much as I love my family and the company of someone to even just have dinner with, freedom is somewhat lost. I thought I would be able to have the time to do more of the things I’ve planned to do…. Boy was I wrong. To feel better about my living situation, I try my best to chip in here and there around the house… somehow, just from running errands about town, I lose half a day. Also, fitting into times for meals and all… and add that to my procrastination… YEP. I have not done anything from that list of mine. I BRING SHAME.
After I was inspired recently… I am now pumped on a project I am working on with my friend. Which makes me less isolated and sorry for myself, I just hope this friend of mine is as excited as me to work hard and fast on it! It makes me think… perhaps everything happens for a reason…
My identity has still been put to the test especially with the usual interrogation by friends and family about my impending future and yes – veganism, or path to… (chill out, post coming! I WILL be more proactive. Let’s do this!). It just makes me question myself and decisions even more as like I’ve mentioned a billion times by now… I’m still in doubt of myself and haven’t quite seem to have it all figured out. Should I stick to what my degree gave me? Should I cut my loses and start pursuing something that’s been in my heart but I am unclear of and don’t quite have the professional skill level for? Why am I stuck in this loop!? It’s ever so frustrating. There’s no sign. Perhaps I’m not doing enough. People keep saying I’m being too hard on myself… but looking at my peers around me, how can I not be?
“give me something, give me something real…”
“I lay strewn across the floor, pieced up in sorrow
The pieces are lost, these pieces don’t fit
Pieced together incomplete and empty”
Either way, it’s time for me to quit napping and fooling around – seize every day. Let’s hope I can churn out my travel posts QUICK!!! As I have MANY of them…
Me still finding I,