It’s Valentine’s Day! The day of jacked up prices on food, flowers and chocolates and the peak season for PDAs. It’s also day where singles have lots to say on social media, be it moaning or flaunting their freedom on this day. It’s understandable that if you’re single, coming across those public display (or declarations on social media) of affection will have your green-eyed monster peeking out from the shadows… Envy.
There are emotions and reflexes that are contagious – yawn, cough and even laughter. Laughter may be contagious, but happiness sure isn’t. In many situations where happiness isn’t caught on, it brings out jealousy.
A person dear to me has been offered a new job! He didn’t even have to interview or anything as he was basically poached by his employer’s client. His new job sounds like a dream – managerial position, 4 days of paid leave every month on top of annual leaves, allowance for meals, paid for accommodation… most importantly, he’s happy and excited about it. I am happy for him but it has made me think about my own mess of a situation, and how I’m currently the opposite of successful. How is it that luck seem to be on his side, with things just falling into place for him when it matters? Is there some karma in play for something I’ve done, that I’m unaware of?
Am I actually genuinely happy for him if I’m thinking about how the world is seemingly against me? Am I just self-absorbed? Now, I feel pathetic for being selfish. That’s my train of thought, wandering deeper and deeper into a pitch black tunnel…
Am I actually genuinely happy for his success?
He’s not my competitor. He has gone through a different journey that my own. So, why the envy? Why the unwarranted whiner attitude? Again, it’s all about realigning your thinking. Trying your best to counteract the dark thoughts with positive ones. I know first-hand, it’s easier said than done but hey, what do you have to lose with trying?
So, what are some counterpoints and actions I came to in effort to lessen the negativity?
First is definitely recognizing that you have a green-eyed monster lurking behind those thoughts. We are all flawed as human and we can’t always control what comes to mind.
Look at it this way, perhaps life is throwing more curveballs at you because it knows you can take it. We can’t all have everything fall into place, we can’t always have what we want immediately and conveniently like food delivery… still, that shouldn’t stop us from toughing it out. It pay off may come later, but you’ll come out stronger and more appreciative of your achievement.
Recycle that pointless and unproductive envy into something beneficial instead of self-pity – use it to motivate you in working towards your goals. This way, not only will you unconsciously shove those unpleasant thought back into the shadows by keeping yourself occupied, you’re also on your way to achieving your success and happiness.
Everything has it’s time. Do things at your pace and capacity, put in the work. I believe you reap what you sow, even if it takes longer than others at times.
Your life’s journey is unique. Don’t pressure yourself too hard by comparing your life to everyone else’s. Moreover, how one defines their happiness and success could be unlike yours.
“No one bites back as hard
On their anger
None of my pain and woe
Can show through”
Yes, I am well aware this song is originally The Who’s, I feel this version suits my mood & feels better.
I felt like the last one enabled me to be genuinely happy for him with much less envy. If it’s someone dear to you, you should be happy for their success, don’t rain on their parade with your own problems in their moment of bliss. Yes, there is a time and place for everything.
If this helped you in anyway, I’m happy for you, even just one of you =) Sadness follows happiness, there’s no light without darkness. Don’t beat yourself up for even having those thoughts (like I do). Acknowledge it, wallow for the shortest while, and do your best in dealing with it head on!