Of Options and Obligations

My identity crisis chapter continues, and the plot thickens.

Who am I? What do I want? What is my personality well suited for? It seems like I don’t know who I am anymore. Instinct? Gut? I don’t think I have that anymore… am I just in denial of accepting who I am? Do you have such thoughts? Such… insecurities? It really doesn’t help when you’re influenced by how others perceive you and your decisions as well…

“I was told when I get older all my fears would shrink
But now I’m insecure and I care what people think”

It’s the 5th month since I’ve been back and I’m no closer to figuring anything out. Not investing in any option in particular has me in a standstill as I watch the world go by me. I need to quit beating around the bush with my overthinking and just take action. At the moment, what I have are the options but not necessarily the opportunities. Of course that doesn’t help me to make an informed decision. I need to go knocking on doors. I must DO SOMETHING because I’m wasting time away being halted by my fear. Yes, my old friend – Fear.

After you’ve invested as much as 5 years growing and learning something, it is hard to just give it up on a whim especially when you’ve had the support from your parents emotionally and financially through those years. I feel obligated to do good by my parents, to utilise what we’ve invested in. It’s kind of funny how my parents seem to have a clear vision for my future when it’s all still a blur to me. Being the youngest and the more obliging one, my parents open up to me more. I have also listened to cautionary tales of my siblings from them, their parables set off an alarm in my head whenever I’m in any similar situation.

It’s kind of funny how my parents seem to have a clear vision for my future when it’s all still a blur to me.

I can keep thinking all I want but at the end of the day, nothing will come out from all that thinking with zero action. Still indecisive, I shall make a world tour of knocking on all doors because no one is going to just hand you a key. I’ll cross that bridge of making a choice when I know which doors(s) will shine a light into my dark pit.

My name is blurryface but let’s change how I think,
Sum.

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