Think What You Will

Recently, I was faced with a great big decision that will greatly impact my future.

It was a decision that quite a lot of us face in our 20s: Should I remain a rational realist, or a risk taking dreamer?

If you’ve been following most of my posts on my “Me Finding I” section, you know very well I’m an overthinker who maps out every possible scenario and what ifs. This was not helpful in making a decision that makes me dread being an adult, being an adult who is fully accountable to the consequences of our actions.

In times of uncertainty, of course it is nice to talk to friends or even people who you think will be helpful on the subject. Their opinions and feedback can offer new perspectives that could be helpful towards ending your indecisiveness and doubts. Perhaps I talked to too many people with vastly different opinions… because I was even more confused and lost in planet inconclusive.

I did what I do best at this point: organising. I laid out all my thoughts, pros, cons and other opinions and voices out in black and white. Of course, I still reached the similar result – an inconclusive result. There was no way to really equate the value of each of those pros and cons in a straightforward manner. What was even more frustrating was that all this was playing out in my mind WHEN I WAS ON VACATION. FUN TIMES. My mind could barely set this on pause during my entire time there, especially since I was facing a deadline.

It took me about one week but I finally realized why I was struggling to answer my own question – Only I can end this self-inflicted misery that ultimately concerns no one else. Initially, I had it in my mind that my decision was either rational or seemingly insane, safe or the longer and bumpier road… However, the real reason why I remained indecisive was my need to please everyone. I couldn’t stick to one decision as I had this need for everyone to agree with me, justifying my choice when it wasn’t what someone viewed as the “correct” decision (as much as everyone love to say “it is your decision and I support you regardless”, you know which choice they are leaning towards…)

Only I can end this self-inflicted misery that ultimately concerns no one else.

Initially, I made the decision to take the supposedly safer route (taking on a stable career first instead of stepping into a niche creative industry). What made me came to the realization was after I changed my decision – my voices were less blaring than before. My mind became lighter and I was a lot less stressed or worried about my decision. It was clear that my final decision was of my heart. Now, I have to keep my mind focused, strong and determined in striving towards what my heart yearned for.

Remember this: You can’t always concern your decisions/ thoughts with everyone else. Your decision does not affect them. So, let them think and judge what they want because only you will have to bear the consequences from your actions. It is YOUR life. Make a decision YOU are happy with that you will less likely regret because only YOU will have to live with it. Stay strong and determined!

“Live right now
Just be yourself
It doesn’t matter if that’s good enough for someone else

Living her life,
Sum.

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